Sidewalks of New York

SIDEWALKS OF NEW YORK

Rating: C-

Summary: Whining yuppies, and plenty of 'em.

Didn't I already see this movie? I could swear I've endured several films full of yuppies unhappy in their relationships and cheating on each other left and right. The Anniversary Party and Your Friends & Neighbors spring readily to mind, but I'm sure there've been others as well. There are so many of these films, in fact, they seem deserving of their own separate section at Blockbuster. Alongside "Drama," "Action," and "Science Fiction" we could have an "Unhappy Yuppie Relationship" aisle. Of course, it might be kind of embarrassing to be spied browsing those shelves - maybe they could disguise them as "Triple-X Porn" or something.

To make matters worse (as if matters needed to be made any worse), director Edward Burns adopts the technique of holding on-camera "interviews" with his characters. They babble away ernestly about their views on love and sex and relationships, and we're supposed to be struck by the irony of their words and their self-serving obliviousness to reality. (By the way, I looked it up - "obliviousness" really is a word.) I was more struck by the fact Burns thinks this tired old device is somehow clever or unique or in any way deserving of screen time. I mean, come on, they were using this onscreen interview gimmick back in Carnal Knowledge, and that was 1971. But in case these interviews popping up every few minutes weren't enough to distract you from the story, most of the other scenes are shot with a jerky handheld camera as well, as if Burns wants to make absolutely sure you can't forget you're watching a movie. Dude, get a tripod - you can rent them at a reasonable rate, and they do wonders to disguise an amateur production.

The story consists of the intertwining romantic entanglements of the ensemble cast, which includes Burns, Heather Graham, and Stanley Tucci, among others. To be fair, the acting is very strong across the board, although Brittany Murphy's constant Meg Ryan impersonation gets to be annoying. We're told early on she's from Iowa, meaning she's the ol' small-town girl in the big city, seeking an honest relationship among big city indifference. She gets involved with Tucci's married dentist, which leads to the usual complaints about him never taking her out in public, only using her for sex, when is he going to leave his wife, and so on. I can picture Burns typing away at the screenplay and thinking to himself, "Gee, this script is writing itself." I wonder why.

The one honest moment in the entire movie occurs when Burns runs into former lover Rosario Dawson in a video store (possibly in the Unhappy Yuppie Relationship section), and casually inquires why she stopped returning his calls. She's at a loss to produce a credible answer. Hmmm. Of course, in their previous meeting the two had made love, so where did he get the idea their relationship was going somewhere? During that same post-love scene, she mentions the word "condom" (as in "lack of") which immediately tells us one of them is going to get pregnant. The only remaining question is which one. Then later, when she decides to keep the baby as a single mom, I imagine it pissed off some of the pro-abortionists in the audience. Proving that even bad movies can have some good parts.

Watching people constantly bickering and whining for an entire film is not my idea of fun. But if you're one of those individuals inexplicably drawn to auto accidents, the latest celebrity scandal, or Jerry Springer, this may be right up your alley. Just don't go expecting a fluffy romantic comedy, because that it surely ain't.