The mythical world of Middle-earth is populated by "hobbits," elves, goblins, and the like. Hobbit Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) comes into possession of a golden ring capable of reducing the world to a vast wasteland if it ever falls back into the hands of Lord Sauron, its nefarious creator. Of course, with a name like "Lord Sauron," the poor guy's career choices were severely limited from the start. So Frodo and a motley clan of supporters embark on a quest to return the ring to the pit of fiery brimstone from which it was forged, thus destroying it and keeping the world safe for nuclear weapons. Unfortunately, the pit of fiery brimstone in question lies in a particularly nasty section of the countryside, and getting there is definitely not half the fun. Not to mention that Sauron desperately wants his ring back, and commands a group of grim reapers on horseback who work feverishly toward this end. Thus, the movie consists largely of the life-threatening tribulations Frodo and friends encounter during their journey to destroy the ring.

My exposure to the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien consists of having read the short story "Riddles in the Dark," which was excerpted from The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I thought it was a cool story at the time, but it hardly makes me an expert on the subject. Many fans of the LOTR books read them while in high school or college, amidst the most formative years of their lives. As such, the film for them is a culmination of a lifelong passion for the subject, whereas I'm reviewing it based solely on what it does for me in the theater. I can see the angry e-mails already.

Andrew Lesnie's outdoor cinematography is breath-taking, particularly in the daylight scenes. Middle-earth looks like what every fabled land should look like, with rolling green hills, bounteous forests, and mountain peaks rising in the distance. The acting of the principals is very convincing, particularly that of Ian McKellen as the mentorly wizard Gandalf. Elijah Wood is also a good fit for Frodo, embodying the right mix of innocence and inner strength which makes a hero worth rooting for. And the visual effects, although nothing we haven't seen before, are uniformly well-conceived and executed.

So what's the problem, you ask. The movie is simply too friggin' long - that's what's the problem. There were plenty of sequences I enjoyed, including several involving Sauron's cloaked minions pursuing the heroes, as well as a couple of battles with armies of goblins. But at almost three hours long, the film contains far too many scenes which are either unnecessary or repetitive of earlier material. I got sick of seeing closeups of the golden ring. I got sick of seeing closeups of the palm of Frodo's hand. I got sick of seeing closeups of the golden ring in the palm of Frodo's hand. There are later scenes with Liv Tyler and Cate Blanchett (separately) that don't fit well with the rest of the movie. Blanchett's in particular left me wondering what the point was. It's almost as if director Peter Jackson felt that a three-hour running time was mandatory to attain the status of an "epic," and threw in everything but the kitchen sink to get there. Then, after three hours, we're not even given a real conclusion. Yes, I know there are two more sequels already on the way, and that Jackson was remaining true to the book trilogy, but I've always believed a movie should be able to stand on its own merits as a self-contained entity. If he was concerned with remaining true to the books, he could have at least chosen a more satisfying point to leave off.

I'm fast growing weary of the whole "hero's journey" concept of storytelling. Every time I hear a character talk about his "quest" or his destiny or his father, my eyes glaze over and drool begins dripping out the corner of my mouth. I mean even more so than usual. What's worse, the characters in LOTR lack the emotional substance to make the quest meaningful. At the end of The Wizard of Oz, for example, we could see how the characters and their relationships to one another had grown. We felt like we'd come to know them personally after watching them for two hours. When the time came for them to part ways, it was a truly poignant moment. Here, very little emotional attachment results from what we witness on the screen. Even worse, the random way in which they're all thrown together belies the supposed love and devotion they profess for one another at various times later in the film. I simply just didn't see it develop onscreen. So sue me.

Incidentally, any negative comments about this review should be sent to my new e-mail address at gwbush@whitehouse.gov.

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