Godzilla 2000

GODZILLA 2000

Rating: C+
If you're not fond of Godzilla movies, don't even consider seeing this one. If, however, there's a soft spot for the big green reptile in that heart of stone of yours, you'll probably find Godzilla 2000 a better than average entry in the series.

The 1998 Roland Emmerich/Dean Devlin version of Godzilla reportedly left many Japanese moviegoers uninspired. (To be fair, it seemed to have a similar effect on audiences over here, too). Coming so closely on the heels of the American version, Godzilla 2000 has been touted by some as the Japanese response to everything that was wrong with the American film.

There are many instances where scenes from Godzilla 2000 were directly lifted from American Godzilla (hereafter referred to as "Amzilla"). In his first appearance, he holds a large fishing trawler in his jaws (which he lets fall to the ground with a tremendous crash), and then we're treated to an extreme closeup of his eye. Later, Godzilla traps the heroes in their vehicle inside a traffic tunnel. Another scene has several patrons in a bar becoming aware of his thunderous footfalls growing louder as he approaches. We're shown a shot of him swimming gracefully underwater. And we even get a smaller version of the "wave" as he barrels toward shore. This film is too busy imitating its American cousin to be badmouthing it.

The American film also seems to have inspired Toho Studios to try harder at the special effects. Godzilla himself has been redesigned, with the new monster suit being much better detailed and looking somewhat meaner. His dorsal plates are much more pronounced and more aggressive looking - seemingly another influence from Amzilla. Although the shameless use of model tanks and weaponry (long part of the Godzilla experience) is again in evidence, at least here it's augmented with shots of the real things interspersed. The familiar Godzilla background theme is back again (the one that goes "bumpa bum, bumpa bum, bumpa bumpa bumpa bum, bumpa bum, bumpa bum, bumpa bumpa bumpa bum... "). And he still has that distinctive voice like a rusty gate. Sort of like Celine Dion. The digital visual effects are largely hit or miss (mostly miss), and Toho's matchmoving software has a few bugs in it to say the least, but the composite shots are still ambitious and fun to watch, matte lines and all.

This particular episode finds Godzilla running amok as usual, randomly destroying Japan's power stations and nuclear plants for reasons known only to him (presumably because he finds it entertaining). In Japan, this sort of thing is apparently taken in stride as a normal, everyday occurrence. People look out their windows and say, "Looks like we're in for a Godzilla attack - better bring along the umbrella." We also learn the secret of Godzilla's resiliency: his cells have incredible regenerative powers. So every time you think you've finally seen the last of him, he comes back again. Sort of like Madonna.

When scientists raise a 60 million year old meteorite from the ocean floor, the sunlight awakens an alien life form inside from a deep sleep. Suffice it to say that anything suddenly roused from a 60 million year slumber is going to awaken in a grouchy mood. The alien decides that as long as it's here anyway, it might as well stay and conquer the world. So Godzilla takes time out from his busy schedule of flattening buildings to come to Earth's rescue and battle the invader in claw-to-claw combat. I won't tell you who wins, except to note that Godzilla is one dude whose ass is hard to kick.

One of the most amusing things about Godzilla movies is the unfailing stupidity of the humans. No matter what they throw at him, it never works, but they're always caught by surprise by this. In the early part of the film, they try to blow him up with undersea mines. When the mines go off, raising huge plumes of water, Godzilla merely glances down at them with contempt (probably thinking, "Hah. I make bigger bubbles when I pass wind.") "Don't worry," says the army general. "Our new armor-piercing missiles can penetrate any material." Apparently any material except for godzillium, or whatever it is he's made of. Later, when the alien spaceship is tied down with "electromagnetic cables" (don't ask), the HHIC (head human in charge) grins knowingly and proclaims, "It's not going anywhere." Whereupon the ship immediately proceeds to break its way free of the cables. And so on. You'd think after a while the humans would just stop trying and stay home in bed.

One might ask why Godzilla always comes to the aid of the human race whenever we're threatened by an alien menace. One of the movie's characters provides the answer. "Godzilla," he proclaims, "is in all of us." If you say so. Personally, I think it's because as long as there are humans, there will be cities to stomp into toothpicks.