Cold Mountain

COLD MOUNTAIN

Rating: B

Uncivil war.

This movie is decidedly antiwar, which is good. It's also extremely manipulative of the audience's emotions, which is bad. Somehow, it manages to cram 90 minutes worth of material into 2 1/2 hours, which if nothing else should guarantee an evening of shifting in your seat and glancing at your watch. My advice is to get the large popcorn and take advantage of the free refill.

Jude Law plays a young Confederate soldier at the front during the closing months of the Civil War. With the South's defeat now imminent, Law sees little point in laying down his life for a hopeless cause. So, reminiscent of Dr. Zhivago, one day he just says the hell with it and walks away (technically known as desertion). Director Anthony Minghella intersperses these events with scenes showing the beginning of the war, where young southern men greet the commencement of hostilities with cheers and whoops and happy declarations that "We've finally got our war!" The timeshifting technique, completely unnecessary in so many films, is used here quite effectively. (Law is clean shaven in the flashbacks, and sports a full beard in the later shots, preventing any confusion between the two.)

During the flashbacks, we also witness Law's casual meeting of southern belle Nicole Kidman. This is one of those Hollywood things, where a momentary exchange of glances between male and female instills within both an unspoken burning desire for a lifelong commitment, and a resolve to remain free of all other romantic entanglements until the time when they can be together. Does this ever happen in real life? I'm beginning to worry that I simply haven't recognized such glances in my own experiences, and somewhere dozens of women are secretly pining away for my return.

Anyway, Law's adventurous trek through the southern wilderness to return to Kidman's side forms the opossum's share of the story. On his trail are some particularly nasty southern gentlemen tracking deserters. Meanwhile back at the ranch, spunky Renee Zellweger comes to live with Kidman to teach her how to run the estate absent the help of slaves or other menfolk.

Zellweger turns in an inspired performance, with several humorous scenes between her and Kidman. Law and Kidman also shine, although I could've stood less of Kidman's voice-over readings of her letters. Sometimes she sounds so boringly proper you'll find yourself extra thankful that the South lost the war. The manipulative nature of the story is evidenced throughout, where every event is directly aimed at plucking our heartstrings. The villains are more evil than you might imagine humanly possible, resorting to cold-bloodedly gunning down sweet unarmed men, raping sweet unarmed women, and even (gasp) deliberately placing babies in mortal danger. Not to mention sadistically torturing a mother to give up her teenage sons, and then gunning them down in front of her. Barrels of joviality, these villains.

When all is said and done, you'll probably feel like you've been bludgeoned with a cement block. But there is some enchanting scenery to gaze at along the way.