Bless The Child

BLESS THE CHILD

Rating: D
I like supernatural thrillers. I really do. The Omen is one of my favorite movies. But lately it seems I just can't stop getting suckered into seeing really bad supernatural thrillers. Some studio executive somewhere is laughing at me - I'm sure of it.

The child of the title is "Cody" (Holliston Coleman), the illegitimate daughter of Angela Bettis. Bettis is such a heroin addict you just want to smack her, and she leaves newborn Cody on the doorstep of sister Kim Basinger. Aside from her name, Cody has other problems - a tendency toward autism, the ability to make plates spin, and the power to inflict cheesy digital effects upon the audience. For some reason, spinning plates are seen as a threat by an evil group of devil worshippers, who opt to kidnap her and "turn her around" to their side.

Need I tell you the plot is often lacking in logic? In an early scene, arch villain Rufus Sewell avoids being shot by magically removing the bullets from his assailant's gun. But this impressive ability doesn't stop him from being gunned down later on when the filmmakers need to wrap things up. I can envision a horrified script girl pointing to the latter page and sputtering, "But... but..." and director Chuck Russell turning to her with an annoyed "Shaddup!" But the real problem is there are only a few scares in what is supposed to be a scary movie, and they're all of the "insert shocking image which makes no sense in the context of the rest of the film" variety. And for all the fuss about Cody's "special powers," she never gets to use them for anything significant to the plot. Her powers just act as a plot contrivance to justify what is basically a kidnapping story. In fact, this film is such a hackneyed "devil comes to earth" movie, you expect Gabriel Byrne to turn up at any moment. Then when one character says, "The devil's best trick was convincing people he doesn't exist," you really expect Gabriel Byrne to turn up at any moment. Perhaps Byrne's best trick was staying home in bed the day this bomb was lensed.

The acting is frequently none too convincing, particularly on Basinger's part. There's one scene in a diner between Basinger and Christina Ricci, where neither of them seems to be believing a single word they're saying. They're probably doing all they can just to keep from bursting out laughing.

Then there's a scene atop a building where the villain shows Cody New York City and proclaims, "All this could be yours, if only you'd..." Some will recognize this as a takeoff on the Biblical account of the devil tempting Christ by leading him to a mountain top and showing him all the kingdoms of the world. I think the filmmakers should have had Cody reply, "But who in their right mind would want New York City?"

Fortunately, there are several moments of unintentional hilarity to keep things lively. In an attempt to reassure Cody, she's introduced to her new nanny. Howls arose from the audience when the woman who walked on looked like the quintessential demon from hell. In another scene, Jimmy Smits frantically inquires, "Where's our backup?" and the other cop replies, "They were right behind us." Who says comedy writing is dead? In perhaps the funniest scene, Cody repeatedly bangs her head against the wall. Funny because I couldn't help thinking she'd just read the script.

There's a phrase deus ex machina (literally, "God from a machine") which originated with ancient Greek plays, where a supreme deity would descend from the heavens in the final scene and solve all the characters' problems. The term is now used derisively for any plot contrivance which conveniently springs up out of the blue to resolve the story's conflict. Never in my life have I seen such a literal deus ex machina ending as there is in this movie. Some sort of special recognition for this should be merited around Oscar® time.

As Basinger says to Cody at one point, "It's okay, honey; it's only garbage." Viewers would do well to leave the theater with such a positive attitude.