Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2

Rating: C-
One of the more annoying aspects about the Blair Witch Project phenomenon was that anytime someone rightfully pointed out weaknesses or inconsistencies in the so-called plot, they were met with a chorus of "you need to visit the haxan website and watch the Sci-Fi channel special in order for the movie to really make sense." Um, what's wrong with asking that a film be a self-contained unit? Is expecting a movie to actually be coherent within itself some kind of radical new idea? With that in mind, I'll be the first to admit there's a lot I don't understand about this sequel. I honestly don't know why it's supposed to be scary when someone throws a dead owl through a window. I don't understand why the people involved keep blaming each other for all the weird happenings when each person has experienced enough to know something supernatural is going on. I suppose it's the filmmakers' opinion that if they didn't have a lot of stupid dialogue, there would be no dialogue at all.

The way this film starts out, red alarm flags shoot up everywhere. You begin to get a really bad feeling in your stomach that you've just been conned a second time. There's more of the pseudo-documentary interview garbage among the townspeople, with the added twist that now they're not talking so much about the Blair Witch as about the notoriety and commercialism the first film brought to the town. Director Joe Berlinger (who also must share half the blame for the script with Dick Beebe) apparently thinks he's playing a clever riff on all the substanceless hype which made the original film a box office smash. But all he's really doing is proving the point of all the BW critics who dismissed the first film as self-conscious tripe.

When we finally meet our heroes, and the story begins to unfold, there are actually signs something interesting might be in store. Jeffrey Donovan plays the group's slightly psychotic guide who believes in videotaping everything. Stephen Turner and Tristine Skyler are husband and wife researchers writing a book on the Blair Witch phenomenon. She's knocked up; he wants her to have the baby, but she wishes otherwise. Rounding out the motley crew are Erica Leerhsen, a wiccan in touch with the forces of nature, and Kim Director, a goth chick with black lipstick and eyeshadow and an uncanny sixth sense. The bunch ventures deep into the black forested lair of the Blair Witch, determined to find the truth behind the legend. All the characters' first names are the same as the actors who play them. Isn't that neat?

The one truly eerie scene occurs when the group awakens in the morning and discovers some bizarre events have occurred in their camp. And for a moment, it looks like Skyler's ambiguity over her pregnancy might be leading somewhere intriguing. But then the filmmakers looked at their watches, or remembered who they were, or something, because the whole plot shuts down like someone threw the main breaker and the movie ends after a scant 90 minutes. Lost in all that is the fact we never really have time to develop a deep dread of this Blair Witch person, whomever she may be, nor does she seem particularly scary or sinister.

At the end of the film, as the credits begin to roll, there are actually a couple of interesting songs on the soundtrack (which, up until now, had absolutely sucked) accompanied by the camera wildly panning through the forest. Somehow, somewhere in there, there seems to be the germ of what this film should have been. But it's just a fleeting glimpse of promise, then the screen fades to black and it's forgotten.

I seriously thought some of the failings of the first movie could be blamed on its miniscule budget. Part of what convinced me to give the sequel a try was the thought that at least the new film would have a larger budget - meaning real actors, a better story, and perhaps even a camera tripod or two. And the coming attractions made it look like this time the story would have more substance to it. Well, they actually did manage to use a tripod this time, and there is a little bit more story (which I realize isn't saying much), but there are still many scenes which make this movie look like it was filmed on the cheap. There's a pointless shot in the beginning where psychiatric doctors insert a long hose up a guy's nostril. Only it's quite obvious to anyone without severe myopia that the hose is running along the far side of his nose and not entering the nostril at all. Didn't any of the filmmakers actually notice this, or didn't they bother to watch the film after it was assembled? In another scene, a van "crash" into a tree is so unconvincing that you have to assume either the stunt driver phoned in sick that day or the van was a rental they were afraid of scratching. When a character is hanged later on, you can tell the rope is supporting her torso and not wrapped around her neck - the same trick you see every year at those "haunted houses" put on for charity. Then when it comes time to reenact the actual hanging itself, the body is so clearly a dummy flopping around that laughter arose from the audience. But what the filmmakers apparently learned from Blair Witch One is that no matter how cheesy their film is, the money people fork over at the box office is just as green.

Well, this whole Blair Witch thing has now sucked down $17 of my money. Money that isn't coming back. So I feel like I'm standing in front of a slot machine that's just emptied my pockets, and I'm reluctantly deciding to walk away and cut my losses before any more damage is done. When Blair Witch 3 comes out, you're on your own...