"Mr. Spock" writes the following in reply to my article on sport utility vehicles:
[The passages in italics are where the letter writer is quoting my original article.]

As usual, you're logic is flawed by your dislike of the vehicle.

"If it bothers you so much, get an SUV yourself."

Clearly this is an untruth. I can recall no suv owner that would recomend the purchase of such a vehicle to one with your limits of intelligence.

"Believe it or not, I've really heard people say this. So if I don't feel like being crushed beneath the wheels of one of those bloated heaps of metal, the solution is for me to buy one myself and pose a similar threat to everyone else?"

It is true that the shear mass of an suv usually is greater than most vehicles. I do beleive however that in your case, the mass of your Country Squire station wagon is also of greater volume than most other vehicles.

"Aside from the fact that I don't relish the idea of buying a vehicle with all the styling of a cardboard box"

To reduce the styling from anything other than the "Cardboard box" would be wasteful and prove to render the interior of the vehicle mostly useless. True Suvs are meant to be UTILITY vehicles. Obviously a concept beyond your comprehension.

"that rides like a 10-year-old truck even when it's new"

Again, A truck is supposed to ride like a truck... Suburbans are trucks...

"and is barely worth half its invoice price (never mind the outrageous markup)"

A quick check of my databanks indicates that the Suburban carries one of the highest resale values of any vehicle. Even the vaunted PT cruiser..... (a clever Klingon deception)

"buying an SUV to save yourself from other SUVs won't work. SUVs don't provide much safety when they're picking on something their own size."

Again you miss the point. Suv drivers dont hit Suv drivers.

"They're adept at killing the occupants of cars, and that's about the limit of their talents."

Obviously you have not done your research. A suburban can carry up to 9 passengers, hundreds or pounds of luggage, tow up to 10,000 pounds, AND kill people in cars.

"But let's say, for the sake of argument, that I and everyone else did buy SUVs. This wouldn't solve the problem, since now all the original SUV drivers would no longer "feel safe" because they'd lack an unfair advantage. So they would go out and buy even bigger SUVs. (As stupid as this sounds, it's really happening - just look at the sales for Chevy Suburbans and Ford Expeditions.)"

Again your logic is flawed. The Suburban is the original SUV, having been manufactured for many, many years. The newer smaller "SUV" or crossover vehicle is proving to be as useles a utility vehicle as an automoble. And people purchasing them are discovering this. The Expedition/Excursions are proveing to be poorly manufactured marketing blunders to cash in on the Suburbans market.

"Hell, why don't we all just drive army tanks?"

An army tank only has two purposes, kill people and break things. An suv adds to this all the utility that it brings.

"The true losers in all of this (besides the environment) are those families who are unable to afford these wasteful vehicles and who make do with ordinary passenger cars. The same cars *everyone* used to manage with quite well before SUVs became one of life's 'necessities'."

I think you will find that the used suburban is very affordable to the lower income humans. A cursory query shows that there are many quality models available for under 15,000. There are even models availble for less then the price of a Hundai.

Mr. Spock! This is indeed an honor. Frankly, I never pictured you as a Suburban driver. I guess I always thought your spelling would be a little better, too, but I realize English isn't your native language. Anyway, I just wanted to add the following comments to your letter:

1. Country Squire station wagons aren't nearly as heavy as the larger SUVs. And even if they were, SUVs have characteristics all their own which make them even more lethal to passenger cars. Your tricorder readings should have told you this.

2. If "True SUVs are meant to be UTILITY vehicles", you must define "utility" to mean going to the local Kwik-E Mart for a quart of milk, or picking up one's hellspawn after soccer practice. Fewer than one in ten SUV's ever encounter an unpaved road, and the manufacturers and advertisers are well aware of this. Hence all the characteristics which make them "utility" vehicles (and which also make them dangerous) are unnecessary because they're never used. Completely illogical.

3. If "the Suburban carries one of the highest resale values of any vehicle" (which I rather doubt), this is less a testament to its true value than further evidence of how stupid the American car-buying public is. In short, it proves nothing about the vehicle's true worth to anyone with common sense and no insecurities about the size of their penis.

4. If "SUV drivers don't hit SUV drivers", is there a way we can get them to start?

5. You have no right to say Excursions are "marketing blunders" just because their demand is dropping faster than the Nasdaq. The fact no one in their right mind would be caught dead driving such a heap of shit does not qualify it as a "marketing blunder". You wait and see - the Excursion will prove to be every bit as popular as the Edsel.

6. "I think you will find that the used suburban is very affordable to the lower income humans." Um, didn't you just get done telling me the Suburban has one of the highest resale values of any car on the market? Mr. Spock, I never thought of you as a bullshitter. Up until now, that is. Wait 'till I tell Starfleet Command about you.
-- N-M