The 1999 Oscars

THE 1999 OSCARS

When the winners of this year's Academy Awards are announced on March 26, I'll be where everyone who truly loves movies will be. Watching a movie at the local cineplex while eating hot-buttered popcorn. But for the rest of you pretenders pathetically glued to the TV for three hours, I couldn't resist offering some comments about this year's Oscar nominees.

BEST PICTURE

The Academy actually showed uncharacteristic insight this year in their selections. Magnolia and The Hurricane were excluded from the Best Picture category. And that's all I really care about. As I've stated elsewhere, everyone knows Magnolia was awful, but I was worried it was going to receive the elitist vote the way The Thin Red Line and Blue Velvet did in previous years. And by The Hurricane being overlooked, maybe Hollywood will finally get the message that some people still believe filmmakers should be held accountable for what they portray on the screen as truth. Of those films which were nominated, the most surprising is The Sixth Sense. It's certainly as good as any of the others, but it's not the type of film that usually gets picked, and frankly it hasn't a snowball's chance of winning. The Cider House Rules is too controversial (although Hollywood is known for its liberal leanings), and The Green Mile puts on the pretenses of being a much more significant film than it really is. Which, in my mind, narrows the field to The Insider and American Beauty. The poor box office showing for The Insider is symptomatic of the fact people just don't find the tobacco industry very exciting. On the other hand, American Beauty has that cynical edge that many mistake for keen insight, which makes it a "hip" choice. Beauty will win hands down - you can mail the stats in right now. I only wish picking horses was this easy.

UPDATE: The Oscar goes to American Beauty.

BEST ACTOR AND ACTRESS

I'm still waiting for the year the Academy declares that no performances were outstanding enough to merit special attention. Then I'll shut up about the phoniness of the whole awards process. I mean think about it; how is it that there are at least five male and female performances each year that are distinguished enough to merit nominations? The answer is, of course, that there aren't, but the whole purpose of the awards is to allow the film industry to promote itself, not to recognize outstanding talent. The conventional wisdom is actors and actresses win Oscars by playing roles which are different from what the public is used to seeing from them. I believe this can be taken one step further to say actors and actresses win for playing unusual characters with a sympathetic tinge. Which is why we see so many alcoholics, morons, prostitutes, and people dying of the disease of the week winning Oscars. Which is exactly the opposite of the way it should be. Computer graphics artists will tell you it's much harder to make a computer-animated lion look believable than a computer-animated dinosaur. Why? Because everyone knows what a real lion looks like, and how it moves; people have no reference for a dinosaur. Likewise, actor Billy Bob Thornton says he finds playing average every-day characters much more difficult than eccentric types. Yet the prostitutes and alcoholics win every time. Admittedly, those types are absent from this year's nominees. Is the Academy wising up, or were there just no morons to choose from this year? And why weren't any of the actors from The Blair Witch Project nominated? You're right; I am joking. So who do I think is gonna win, you ask? Denzel Washington will get a slight nod over Kevin Spacey. As for best actress... ahh, take your pick. We all know there are no good roles for women in Hollywood anyway, right?

UPDATE: The Oscar goes to Kevin Spacey (American Beauty) and Hilary Swank (Boys Don't Cry).

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR AND ACTRESS

Bill Murray had it right. Nobody really gives a damn. Nor do I, except to say Tom Cruise's role in Magnolia is exactly the kind I just got done bashing. He's turned in respectable efforts in the past, but his acting in this was nothing short of pathetic. It's the kind of one-dimensional, over-the-top acting that is usually reserved for high school plays. Hopefully, Jude Law or Michael Caine will take this category. But I have a sneaking suspicion the Academy will prove its ineptitude once again because they feel it's Cruise's time to win an Oscar.

UPDATE: The Oscar goes to Michael Caine (The Cider House Rules) and Angelina Jolie (Girl, Interrupted).

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

At last, a category that's actually important. The effects in The Matrix consisted mainly of clever wire work and array cameras. And although Stuart Little showcased improvements in digital effects technology, those advancements are probably too subtle to get noticed by the voters of the Academy. These are, after all, the same people who revealed their total ignorance of visual effects by selecting the cartoon ships in Titanic over the groundbreaking effects in Starship Troopers. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (or whatever it was called) received a nomination presumably because of the sheer number of effects it contained, even if none of them represented anything on the leading edge. It won't be a travesty if it wins, but the effects in both The Matrix and Stuart Little were more imaginative. If anything, Star Wars should be docked points just for foisting Jar Jar Binks upon an unsuspecting public. A conspicuous omission from this category was The Mummy, which didn't make the Academy's final cut down to three entries. Why the Visual Effects category is allowed only three nominees when most of the others are allowed five is one of those great unsolved mysteries.

UPDATE: The Oscar goes to The Matrix.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

What, no Blair Witch here either? The members of the Academy must have been too busy throwing up from motion sickness to recognize its level of achievement. Actually, of those nominees I've seen, the cinematography was fine in all of them. But I think Sleepy Hollow is a lock, because the cinematography is such a noticeable aspect of the film. Where in the others it was confined to being a member of the orchestra, in Sleepy Hollow it was granted a solo on center stage in a film which was all about visual imagery and atmosphere. {sigh} If only they gave Oscars for the use of metaphor...

UPDATE: The Oscar goes to American Beauty.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

I have no idea who should win this category, but I did read the theater slide that said the designer for Anna and the King also designed costumes for its fifteen elephants. And that was enough to win her my vote.

UPDATE: Nope. The Oscar goes to Topsy Turvy.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

This will be the final category I touch upon. Not because the remaining categories are unworthy, but because I don't have strong opinions about them. Plus I've just about finished my beer. I've already ridiculed Magnolia enough for two lifetimes, so let's just hope together that it doesn't win and leave it at that. I have to confess I haven't seen Topsy Turvy yet (sharp gasp from the audience), although that may change before the awards are announced. Being John Malkovich is simply too quirky to garner widespread support - the type of script that's original enough that it seems to merit a nomination, but one which very few people would select as their favorite of the bunch. The screenplay for The Sixth Sense was very well-written, and a large contributor to the overall effect of the film, so it probably merits an outside chance. But I have a feeling the Academy is going to go for American Beauty, for much the same reason they'll vote for it for best picture.

UPDATE: The Oscar goes to American Beauty.

So there you have it. After reading this, you probably realize there's no need to watch the awards show after all. Go see a movie instead, and spend five minutes reading who won what the following morning. Then promptly forget all about the whole mindless charade until next year.