Movie Bombs

MOVIE BOMBS

I've seen the coming attractions for the movie Girl, Interrupted, and I must admit I can't wait for it to be released. I can't wait because then I'll finally stop seeing those damned coming attractions. And I'll predict right now that the movie is going to perform a tremendous bellyflop at the box office. I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees this.

Which raises the question of just what studio executives are thinking when they approve certain projects. Couldn't they see that Man on the Moon was going to sink like a rock? The fact is, very few people know who Andy Kaufman was, and most of us who do never thought he was funny. Can the American public be blamed for its indifference to a film based on his life? Some studio executives appear to have the arrogant attitude that they can churn out any garbage they want and American moviegoers will flock to it like lemmings. The only reason this film was made at all was because someone somewhere noticed that Jim Carrey bears a passing resemblance to Kaufman (Eureka! We've found the next Jim Carrey project!). That, and the fact that since Kaufman is dead, he now becomes ripe material for Milos Forman's next exercise in hero-building. Dead comedians automatically become comedic geniuses no matter how much they sucked in real life. The coming attractions basically said, "We know Andy Kaufman was a jerk and wasn't very funny, but Jim Carrey is in this movie so won't you come to see it anyway?" Um, no, actually.

Not that Man on the Moon is alone in being a bomb which should've been spotted early in the development phase. When I saw the coming attractions for Galaxy Quest, I turned to a friend and said,"Out on video within a month". Although I was exaggerating, the film's anemic ticket sales have confirmed my assessment. First of all, Tim Allen has no drawing power at the movies. This isn't the rinky-dink world of television we're dealing with here. But more than that, the story of science fiction actors being called on to perform their roles in real life is hokey and time-worn (Fright Night, anyone?) so that it feels like we're being served yesterday's leftovers. The aliens were annoying, and seemed like a direct rip-off of the coneheads (remember how well that film did?). The coming attractions then proceeded to highlight the film's special effects - a sure sign that the marketers aren't sure what part of this comedy will sell and are desperately trying all angles in the hopes that something will stick. Throw in some jokes which aren't funny, and the film is dead on arrival. But why are the executives at Dreamworks too stupid to comprehend this?

The last two Robin Williams projects have also been spectacular flops. I could've told 'em. When I saw the previews for Jakob the Liar, one thought immediately popped into my head: Williams was trying to cash in on the unexpected success of Life is Beautiful. After all, Williams has built something of a career starring in bittersweet stories which tug at the heartstrings. And then along comes Life is Beautiful and beats him at his own game, and wins multiple Oscars to boot. But it's somewhat cynical on the part of the filmmakers (don't ya think?) to directly rip off an Oscar-winning film from the previous year and try to claim some of the glory for themselves. Fortunately, the public saw through the ruse immediately and the film died a quick death. Now if only all the videos and DVD's could be burned, we could collectively pretend it never happened, and hide our embarrassment from the rest of the world.

As of this writing, Bicentennial Man is still busy tanking at the box office. When I first saw the poster I groaned with a magnitude not heard since I first glimpsed the poster for Kevin Costner's The Postman. Yet another schmaltzy story of a robot who wants to be human. Will Hollywood never stop recycling itself, or regurgitating E.T. in another form? I take it as a personal insult when films like this are made, because what the executives are really saying is that they care nothing about making good movies. They're just trying to cash in on formulas which have worked in the past. Which raises the question of why they're in the positions they are, taking opportunities away from people who really do have a passion for movies.

In addition to the aforementioned Girl, Interrupted, a couple of other obvious bombs are heading our way. The coming attractions for Pitch Black are a mishmash of hyperactive editing, indicating the marketers had nothing to work with and so tried to create excitement where there was none. And I could be wrong, but Supernova looks to be yet another tired Alien ripoff, in the vein of that box office smash The Astronaut's Wife. Out on video within a month.

Of course, I really shouldn't complain about annoying coming attractions. I keep lamenting to myself, "If only I'd seen previews for Magnolia..."